I am a Stay-at-Home Mom. This was never the intention or plan for my life. I always thought I would juggle a successful career AND being a mom. Then I had my Hunter-Face.
I tried to return to school to get my Teaching Certificate when he was just 3 months old and I was miserable. I missed him so much. The stress of school and the stress of being a new mom about broke me. I finished the semester and never went back. Now I can't imagine someone else raising my boy and can't imagine being away from him for 40-50 hours a week. I can't leave him even if being home makes me lonely, stir-crazy, squishy-brained, and generally crazy.
Last year, Hunter started preschool. I was under 4 months from my due date when he started school 4 days a week for 2.5 hours a day. I did not want him to go. I did not trust these strangers with my baby. But mostly, I felt like I was shipping off my Precious Boy to have another one. Like I was done with him and moving on to Baby #2. It did not feel good and there were many nights of sobbing.
This year, Hunter will return to preschool. Tomorrow. This year I still don't want him to go. But this year I feel like taking a big yellow highligher to the fact that I will be alone. Sitting around the house by myself.
This is not how it is supposed to be. I am supposed to be home with a 8ish month old Riley. WE are supposed to be waving goodbye to Big Brother. Not just me.... lonely waving.
I miss him already. I DO NOT want him to go.