Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Back to School

I am a Stay-at-Home Mom.  This was never the intention or plan for my life.  I always thought I would juggle a successful career AND being a mom.  Then I had my Hunter-Face.

I tried to return to school to get my Teaching Certificate when he was just 3 months old and I was miserable.  I missed him so much.  The stress of school and the stress of being a new mom about broke me.  I finished the semester and never went back.  Now I can't imagine someone else raising my boy and can't imagine being away from him for 40-50 hours a week.  I can't leave him even if being home makes me lonely, stir-crazy, squishy-brained, and generally crazy.

Last year, Hunter started preschool.  I was under 4 months from my due date when he started school 4 days a week for 2.5 hours a day.  I did not want him to go.  I did not trust these strangers with my baby.  But mostly, I felt like I was shipping off my Precious Boy to have another one.  Like I was done with him and moving on to Baby #2.  It did not feel good and there were many nights of sobbing.

This year, Hunter will return to preschool.  Tomorrow.  This year I still don't want him to go.  But this year I feel like taking a big yellow highligher to the fact that I will be alone.  Sitting around the house by myself.

This is not how it is supposed to be.  I am supposed to be home with a 8ish month old Riley.  WE are supposed to be waving goodbye to Big Brother.   Not just me.... lonely waving.

I miss him already.  I DO NOT want him to go.

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