Friday, January 25, 2013

Problem Solved.

I was thinking (as I was driving back from the eye doctor with fully dilated eye-balls) that I would come home to my computer and change my comment settings.  Basically making it so that no one could post anonymously anymore.  Tada!  Problem solved!

Except not.

I started this for ME.  An online journaly thing, for ME.  It was originally kept a complete secret.  Someone on Stillbirthday mentioned to me that she reads everything comment or post I wrote and sometimes felt the exact same way I was feeling.  That made me start telling people about the blog.  If one person in the world read one thing and it made her feel .01% better or understood or like less of a horrible person (because let's face it.  I don't pull punches.  If I feel something I let myself feel it and will say it here.  Even if it's jacked up), it was worth putting all my tender bits out there for the world to see.  I have always hid my squishy bits.  Held friends at an arm's length (cause it's safer!).  I am just now fully opening up to my friend, Natalie, of over 15 years!  I am just now letting people in.  So decided to let all of you in (SCARY) if I would maybe help one grieving mom feel like less of a crazy freak. (because we are a special brand of crazy...).

So no.  I will not change my comments settings.  If someone wants to post something and it's easier for them to do so anonymously then rock on my friend.  But if they are hurtful comments, I'm just going to be deleting them.  This is for ME, remember?

Anonymous361 (for some reason a numbered title is needed....), I don't have the slightest clue who you are and I don't care.  I'm done dissecting the garbage you have to say and trying to equate it to the people in my life.  People who have offered help but I didn't take (The Stickels??  No way), people who have lost babies (Eryn, Ericka, Amber, Rosie, Sarah, Leah, Bambi, Carolyne, Jenn, OMG this list is so long....), people who I have said mean comments around about those scarey, scarey children or preggos (Amber, Natalie. Leah, this list is probably long too)... ENOUGH.

I'm done.  I don't know a lot about God.  But I know He is kind.  After all I've been through (which He chose not to change), I know He would never talk to me in such a vicious manner.

Anyone still reading, please don't take this as the entire Christian populous because they are not all like this.  I know quite a few (Rachael, Natalie, Teresa, Amber, Rosie, Elsa, Angie, Michele) who are just kind, kind people.  They behave in a way their God would be proud of.

El Fin.  Off to chase my son.


  1. Love your blog!! You say what many others are thinking and just don't know how to say it or are just too afraid of what others will think. This is your blog, for you and only you. Keep it going because I love to read it

  2. Love you Amy and this is absolutely what I would expect from you. Strength, kindness and rising about whatever nastiness life throws your way. You are an example to the world. Seriously. Bravo. (But I still want to unleash an army of hurt upon whomever anonymous is).

  3. Oh Amy I love you. I just came across your blog and I must say it is amazing. The emotions are so real do raw the truth which most people can't handle. I for one love it. We deal with real life things all day long it is nothing new. Finally someone can tell the beautiful someone ugly truth To help others and themselves it's healing.